My mind is tumbling in turmoil. What do we 'deserve' in a marriage? Do we 'deserve' what we put into it? Do we 'deserve' what we get out of it? Do we 'deserve' anything?
I keep thinking about people who give up. I have been married once before, I gave up. I am madly in love with my current husband. We have been at those 'do we give up' points in our marriage too though. What do we deserve? Jeez Louise, that is HARD. In my opinion (read that little bit twice if you need to, this is an opinion), I don't think we deserve much. Do I want to be happy? Yes. Do I want to feel loved? Yes. Do I want to be respected? Yes. Do those things always happen? BIG FAT NO!!! If I am being honest I have been super great at making my other half feel unloved, unhappy, and not respected. A lot.
We are enveloped in a society that thinks they are entitled to what they deserve. I am a good person, for the most part, I deserve something that is good most of the time. Right? . . . NEGATIVE. I believe (an opinion again) that we are challenged daily. Challenged to love someone that at times is downright unlovable, sometimes 'time' drags on and on for days, weeks, months and years. But when we entered into this contract of marriage, it was between us and God. It is super easy to leave God out of the mix, because then we feel justified for doing what was right for 'us'.
Do I condone abuse? NO. Of any sort? NO. But just for the sake of the point let's throw some Jesus in there. Did he deserve abuse? NO. Any of it? NO. Why did he do it? Love, sacrifice, mercy, grace. All for us (the abusers). Have I been the abuser in a relationship? Yes. Have I been on the receiving end? Yes. It is a big fat circle. Abuse is a small minded term because Abuse can come in all forms, physical, mental, emotional, being lied to, let down. cheated on, ignored, neglected. It is most generally ALWAYS a two way street. A two way street most of us are guilty of driving on.
Our society also likes to label one sin (abuse) as bigger than the other, so that we feel better for what we do. To the good Lord it is all sin. I heard a fantastic quote, "Lord please help me forgive those who sin differently than I do".
If you enter into a marriage, or just learn it along the way (me), that divorce isn't an option. What are you learning: You are learning to give unconditional love. You learn to sacrifice what is natural for humans for what is right by God. You learn grace. Boy do you ever learn mercy. Unconditional love, WOW, I am not even sure we are capable of that as humans. When we are wounded by someone else's sin, we want retaliation, retribution, some sort of justice so bad. So bad that we in turn commit a sin trying to get just that. Trying to get what we think we deserve. We spit on the cross. GUILTY? I know I am. That cross is forgiveness and love. NO MATTER WHAT! no matter what????? You are kidding right, no matter what?! Yes, no matter what! God is committed to you no matter what. He forgives you no matter what. He loves you no matter what. He NEVER gives up on you no matter what.
Why are we so arrogant to think that we deserve something better? That we shouldn't have to walk the same path Jesus has walked. Why do we think that we should be able to treat our marriages, our children, our friends, our family any different than God has treated us? Because we are human! Fix it, become more God like than human. More forgiving, loving, merciful, graceful, forgiving, forgiving, forgiving. (yes I put that many 'forgivings' in there for a reason, WE HAVE TO DO IT A LOT, for A LOT of reasons (all reasons).
I am going to go with Mother Teresa, "Do It Anyway".
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered: Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies: Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you: Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight: Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, the may be jealous: Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow: Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough: Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God: It was never between you and them anyway.
Mother Teresa
Now I realize we can't all be Mother Teresa, but we can sure try. Never give up, Do it Anyway, even
when you want to give up. I also realize that when it comes to fixing a relationship that it really helps to have both parties involved in that reconciliation. Seriously though, we have a one sided relationship with God, He is perfect. YOU never will be, but that doesn't mean that He will give up. He WILL wait a lifetime for you. A lifetime. That means until death. You know when you quit breathing. A lifetime. All your life. He won't give up.
It is that last line of Mother Teresa's that gets me everytime. It keeps me in check. 'between you and God: It was never between you and them anyway.' When my day comes, I want to be able to say that I gave my marriage my all, my children my all, my family and friends my all. I know I will stumble. I know I will fall flat on my face, break my nose and have to walk around with two black eyes for the rest of the world to see. But I won't give up, because He won't give up on me, and it is between me and God.
Fine Print: the author of this is in no way shape or form claiming to be anywhere close to better than anyone else. As a matter of fact she thinks she is way worse. She has done things that are horrendous and unbelievable and ugly and well you get the point. She also realizes that there are people out there who will say "if that is the case, why didn't your first marriage last?" Allow me a moment for an excuse "I wasn't a Christian and I lived my life for me." I will be honest, it is an excuse. Flat out. But it is also the truth. AND God has forgiven me for that!! THANK YOU GOD! I am however a Christian now, and I won't give up ever again. I have God to help me now! I have faith in him to help me through absolutely anything. Forgive, Love, Have Mercy, Bestow Grace Anyway. Never Give Up.
I keep thinking about people who give up. I have been married once before, I gave up. I am madly in love with my current husband. We have been at those 'do we give up' points in our marriage too though. What do we deserve? Jeez Louise, that is HARD. In my opinion (read that little bit twice if you need to, this is an opinion), I don't think we deserve much. Do I want to be happy? Yes. Do I want to feel loved? Yes. Do I want to be respected? Yes. Do those things always happen? BIG FAT NO!!! If I am being honest I have been super great at making my other half feel unloved, unhappy, and not respected. A lot.
We are enveloped in a society that thinks they are entitled to what they deserve. I am a good person, for the most part, I deserve something that is good most of the time. Right? . . . NEGATIVE. I believe (an opinion again) that we are challenged daily. Challenged to love someone that at times is downright unlovable, sometimes 'time' drags on and on for days, weeks, months and years. But when we entered into this contract of marriage, it was between us and God. It is super easy to leave God out of the mix, because then we feel justified for doing what was right for 'us'.
Do I condone abuse? NO. Of any sort? NO. But just for the sake of the point let's throw some Jesus in there. Did he deserve abuse? NO. Any of it? NO. Why did he do it? Love, sacrifice, mercy, grace. All for us (the abusers). Have I been the abuser in a relationship? Yes. Have I been on the receiving end? Yes. It is a big fat circle. Abuse is a small minded term because Abuse can come in all forms, physical, mental, emotional, being lied to, let down. cheated on, ignored, neglected. It is most generally ALWAYS a two way street. A two way street most of us are guilty of driving on.
Our society also likes to label one sin (abuse) as bigger than the other, so that we feel better for what we do. To the good Lord it is all sin. I heard a fantastic quote, "Lord please help me forgive those who sin differently than I do".
If you enter into a marriage, or just learn it along the way (me), that divorce isn't an option. What are you learning: You are learning to give unconditional love. You learn to sacrifice what is natural for humans for what is right by God. You learn grace. Boy do you ever learn mercy. Unconditional love, WOW, I am not even sure we are capable of that as humans. When we are wounded by someone else's sin, we want retaliation, retribution, some sort of justice so bad. So bad that we in turn commit a sin trying to get just that. Trying to get what we think we deserve. We spit on the cross. GUILTY? I know I am. That cross is forgiveness and love. NO MATTER WHAT! no matter what????? You are kidding right, no matter what?! Yes, no matter what! God is committed to you no matter what. He forgives you no matter what. He loves you no matter what. He NEVER gives up on you no matter what.
Why are we so arrogant to think that we deserve something better? That we shouldn't have to walk the same path Jesus has walked. Why do we think that we should be able to treat our marriages, our children, our friends, our family any different than God has treated us? Because we are human! Fix it, become more God like than human. More forgiving, loving, merciful, graceful, forgiving, forgiving, forgiving. (yes I put that many 'forgivings' in there for a reason, WE HAVE TO DO IT A LOT, for A LOT of reasons (all reasons).
I am going to go with Mother Teresa, "Do It Anyway".
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered: Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies: Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you: Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight: Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, the may be jealous: Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow: Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough: Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God: It was never between you and them anyway.
Mother Teresa
Now I realize we can't all be Mother Teresa, but we can sure try. Never give up, Do it Anyway, even
when you want to give up. I also realize that when it comes to fixing a relationship that it really helps to have both parties involved in that reconciliation. Seriously though, we have a one sided relationship with God, He is perfect. YOU never will be, but that doesn't mean that He will give up. He WILL wait a lifetime for you. A lifetime. That means until death. You know when you quit breathing. A lifetime. All your life. He won't give up.
It is that last line of Mother Teresa's that gets me everytime. It keeps me in check. 'between you and God: It was never between you and them anyway.' When my day comes, I want to be able to say that I gave my marriage my all, my children my all, my family and friends my all. I know I will stumble. I know I will fall flat on my face, break my nose and have to walk around with two black eyes for the rest of the world to see. But I won't give up, because He won't give up on me, and it is between me and God.
Fine Print: the author of this is in no way shape or form claiming to be anywhere close to better than anyone else. As a matter of fact she thinks she is way worse. She has done things that are horrendous and unbelievable and ugly and well you get the point. She also realizes that there are people out there who will say "if that is the case, why didn't your first marriage last?" Allow me a moment for an excuse "I wasn't a Christian and I lived my life for me." I will be honest, it is an excuse. Flat out. But it is also the truth. AND God has forgiven me for that!! THANK YOU GOD! I am however a Christian now, and I won't give up ever again. I have God to help me now! I have faith in him to help me through absolutely anything. Forgive, Love, Have Mercy, Bestow Grace Anyway. Never Give Up.
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